Desperation

       I shuffled back through the sliding portal, into the remotely quiet hospital waiting room and sat down again, desperate for some good news about my bedridden mother. The distinct smell of hospital disinfectant crawled up my nose and lodged itself there, making a nest in my nostrils; It stayed there like a queen bee and she sent her many workers to pollinate the odor throughout me. The pounding of my nervous heart could be heard from miles away as I started to panic from the worst possible scenarios that were bombarding my mind over and over, again and again. Coughing and sneezing, patients sat waiting of their turns; they payed no attention to me. Haunting and constant beeps of hospital machines reached my vigilant ears and increasingly echoed in my head. My sweaty hands slipped from the cold, metal arm rests of the chair. My back and posterior were becoming stiff and sore from occupying the uncushioned, plastic, blue vinyl of the waiting room chairs for hours. From overhead the white fluorescent lights reflected off the polished white linoleum floors, shining bright, straight into my tired eyes. I closed them just for a minute.
       When I attempted to open them again, they felt so incredibly heavy as if bricks were attached to my eyelashes, weighing them down to keep my eyelids closed. I fell into a semi-conscious sleep. Murmurs from patients and nurses could still be heard. The doctor had finally come through the menacing double doors. Fully alert, I held my breath wishing and hoping for some good and bearable information. With an expressionless face and a monotone voice he said "I have bad news." A hot tear slid down my flaming cheeks. A continuous buzzing filled my ears. I could see the dreary look in his eyes and watched his lips move slowly but I couldn't comprehend the sounds coming out of his mouth. My lips were trembling now, too afraid to ask how bad. The taste of acidic bile on my dry tongue demanded the contents of my stomach to blast up my esophagus. My eyes rolled back and dizziness swept my feet from under me. I hit the cold hard floor with a loud thud and the oxygen rushed out of my lungs. A nightmare crawled its way into my imagination and the scenarios from earlier were becoming reality.